


McValentine

by AriesOnMars



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: M/M, Pity Date, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-10 17:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3298379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriesOnMars/pseuds/AriesOnMars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Randy has enough to deal with during the time of year when rejection and humiliation run most rampant, but Julian's confession of affection is more than he can handle. In an effort to keep back the monster that Randy isn't sure how to defeat he does the only thing he can think of--date Julian and keep him happy so he doesn't go on a rampage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were quite a few things about Norrisville that didn't happen elsewhere. The Ninja and the monsters were the most obvious ones on that list, but nearer to the bottom was the fact that Valentine's Day wasn't exactly a day. Almost as soon as February started the whole city had a fresh coat of pink and red and the McValentines cards started getting handed out. With all those cards came a flood of jealousy and rejection. It was the Sorcerer's busiest month and because of that it was also the Ninja's busiest month. At first it had freaked Randy out some, instead of maybe one monster the first day of Feburary it had been a herd of seven of them all howling and screaming and chasing down a gaggle of students. One of them, a twisted-up dragon looking thing with about a dozen eyes and a dripping mouth that went all down the elongated neck, grabbed up a boy from the crowd and tossed him high into the air. The Ninja sprang up from the tree boughs, to the roof of the high school, and jumped up high to save the monsters' intended victim. Three sets of jaws snapped under them as the Ninja landed precariously on one of the high windowsills.

 

"How did so many students stank all at once?" the Ninja cried out as the monsters chased after them, a seven-legged wolf scrambling at the wall right under him and the student currently half-wrapped in the end of his scarf and dangling a little too close to the stankified students for comfort. A snake slithered up and the Ninja yanked the boy to safety, and just a moment after he was out of the way there were foot-long fangs buried in the wall where he had been. With a yelp the boy looked up to his savior, slicked-back hair mussed and sunglasses half falling off of his face, and the Ninja groaned.

 

" _That's_ how. Come on, Stevens, seriously? There's tomcatting and then there's just... I don't even know what _this_ is!" the Ninja gestured down to the monsters. It didn't take a genius to figure out they were all victims of the trombone player's antics. "How did you even do this? I think you broke some kind of record."

 

Stevens grinned awkwardly and tucked his hand under the Ninja's scarf and his shirt, and he brought out a hefty collection of red and pink and purple McValentines. The Ninja grumbled again, snatched the gifts out of Stevens' hand, and threw them up into the air. The herd of monsters screamed and howled under them, seeing the objects that reminded them of their rejection suddenly enraged them more. A few quick sword strikes, though, and colorful confetti was raining down on the monsters. Foul green magic obscured the herd, but when it faded it was a group of girls like any other in the school, all of them confused and shaking shredded paper out of their hair.

 

"Well, that was easy," the Ninja shook his scarf and it unraveled from around Stevens. The boy scrambled a little and flailed, but he was dropped to relative safety in one of the trees  along the street by the school. None of the crowd helped him, and one of the girls who had regained her memories balled up a piece of paper and threw it at Stevens' head as he tried to clamber down out of the tree. Hoping this was the bulk of the monster troubles for the day, but feeling the sinking put in his stomach that pretty much guaranteed that it wasn't, the Ninja threw a smoke bomb against the windowsill and disappeared in the red haze.

 

\- - -

 

"This day is so _wonk_ , you have no idea," Randy whined as he tried to cram his math textbook into his backpack sideways. Howard wondered for a brief moment if he should correct him, and then decided that it was more fun watching Cunningham get more and more angry at his book for not going into the bag. "I've had to destank like half the school already."

 

"Not _half_ ," Howard waved a hand dismissively and Randy scowled at him.

 

"No, trust me, it's half. I'm pretty sure I should just be following around Stevens for the next two weeks. Did you know he made a chain reaction? Flute Girl gave him a McValentine and Bucky saw it, so Bucky got stanked, and then when another girl gave Stevens one in front of Flute Girl _she_ got stanked, and then Bucky is chasing around Flute Girl and they're getting drool on everything and they tore up the art room and some of the first floor lockers and you're not even listening to me anymore are you?" Randy finally managed to shove his textbook into his backpack and zipped it up. He slung it over his shoulder and the two started to head out of class, the last to leave.

 

"Nope," Howard smiled. "You lost me at 'Bucky.' I don't get all of this junk."

 

"You don't get what?"

 

"All of this. The hearts and the pink and the 'I love you!'s. It's so..." Howard frowned in thought as he trailed off.

 

"Wonk," Randy finished for him. Howard nodded, and then they both snorted and started laughing.

 

"Hey, at least they're easy to fix, right?" Howard grinned. "Just tear up a card! Do you even need to Ninja out for that?"

 

" _Barely_ ," Randy laughed. "Most of them are just cheap paper. I mean, there are a couple fancy ones that are supposed to be keepsakes, but those things are way expensive."

 

"Because if anything says love it's about two cents worth of paper and red ink!" Howard howled. "Oh, and the _puns!_ They're some of the worst ever, I swear!"

 

"Yeah, and...! Wait. I like puns," Randy frowned and huffed like Howard had just insulted him.

 

"No you don't," Howard chortled. Randy almost pointed out that Howard couldn't tell him what he did and didn't like when there was a high, creepy voice right next to him. Randy didn't even hear what it was but the fact it was _right next to his head_ made him yelp and jump, and Howard yelled and stumbled back just from Randy's reaction. Randy whipped around, reflexes not nearly as fast out of the suit, and he stumbled over his own feet. Hidden in a small gap between the end of the lockers in the hall and the door to the Advanced Biology classroom was Julian, dark clothes helped him blend into the shadows, and he was smiling just a little too happily from behind his fingers at the scared reaction he had just gotten from the other two boys.

 

"Oh man," Howard winced as he thumped his fist against his chest. "I think my heart just stopped. I need cheese fries."

 

"Fine, I'll get you cheese fries," Randy said as he tried to straighten himself out some before anyone saw how badly he had just jumped. Well, anyone other than Howard, although most people didn't care, and Howard was the only one who'd bring it up later. "What do you want, Julian?"

 

"I was wondering if I could have a word with you, Randy," Julian smiled a little more, the tips of his teeth now visible along with the pointed false fangs. "Alone, if you don't mind, Howard?"

 

"That depends. Someone was going to get me fries?" Howard held his hand out to Randy expectantly. With a groan Randy dug into his pocket and took out a couple of bucks, handing them over, and Howard snatched the money away with a grin. "I don't mind at all! You two have fun."

 

Randy watched Howard turn to go, and he looked back to Julian, "So what's up? And can we hurry this along a little, I'm ready for lunch, so..."

 

"But of course," Julian clasped his hands together and Randy couldn't help but feel like this wasn't going to go quickly. He was already trying to think of ways he could escape and chase down Howard before he spent all of Randy's lunch money on cheese fries he definitely wouldn't share later. Julian didn't notice the awkward scoot Randy gave towards the cafeteria as he continued, "Considering the day that will come within the fortnight I had thought it would be--"

 

"Fortnight?" Randy frowned. He could usually kind of figure out the words Julian used in context, but that one didn't have a lot that was helpful around it.

 

"Uhm. Two weeks," Julian said. He lost his smile and twiddled his fingers together awkwardly, his prepared speech interrupted. "On the 14th, Valentine's Day?"

 

"Oh, right, right, yeah. No, I know about that," Randy shuffled his feet and got another couple of inches towards the cafeteria. The conversation was definitely... weird. And awkward. Really awkward. He was torn between being glad the hall had emptied by then and wishing there had been someone around to provide a distraction. "So...?"

 

"So..." Julian took the prompt, but there was little else he could do. He had hoped Randy would just listen to him, and now that he had lost what he was saying he wasn't quite able to completely regain it. "I was thinking, well, it seems silly to begin a new chapter of one's life on such a day. It would be far better to have it as a thing to be built up to, wouldn't you agree?"

 

"Uhh..." Randy glanced around and then shrugged. The image of the herd of stanked students all chasing after Stevens came to his mind. "Yeah, I guess so. I think a lot of people are trying to do that."

 

"So you agree!" Julian clapped his hands together and smiled wide, fangs on full display. "I'm so glad! I've hoped for weeks that you would share the interest I have in you. True, there is a certain martyr appeal to love from afar, but reciprocated affection--"

 

Randy snorted and couldn't help the laugh that came out. It made Julian freeze and go quiet, eyes wide, and Randy laughed harder. It wasn't entirely his fault, he was prone to making jokes and laughing when he was nervous, and Julian going on about love and affection made Randy remember how he and Howard had just been making fun of it. He couldn't think of a single thing to make Julian stop staring at him with that look of... what was it? Horror? Shock? Either way it just made Randy uncomfortable and that fed into the nervous laughter.

 

"Ok, so I need to _go_ ," Randy grinned and bit the side of his tongue to keep from laughing again as he took a step backwards, jerking his thumb over his shoulder toward the cafeteria. "Lunch and cheese fries and all that. I'll see you later, Julian."

 

It was a bad excuse but Randy just _really_ needed to get a little space and try to think of something better to say. Anything. Or maybe Julian would pretend act like Randy hadn't acted like a complete shoob like that? That would be great if he did. As Randy ran off he didn't notice Julian slump against the classroom door and slide down to sit on the ground. The goth boy curled up and buried his face in his arms just as a wisp of green slipped from the ventilation grate on the other side of the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ah, what another fine bouquet. Rejection, misery, humiliation, of course, but there's something more," the Sorcerer crooned as the delicious scent came wafting to him. The smell came to him faintly from all sides on this lovely and horrendous day, but not all were so strong as to harbor his magic within them. No, most were upset, but able to shake off their miseries with the aid of friends and an extra serving of whatever they liked best from the lunchroom. It was depressing how resilient some could be. But not all, of course. Those who sank down into their self-pity were ones egged on by something darker, something deeper. Jealously was a favorite of the season, ripe and pungent it crept in and flourished where just disappointment would have withered and faded away. There was something about someone seeing the object of their affection choose another that drove his pawns to a worse rage than if that person had simply spurned them with no further motives.

 

This, though, this was not jealousy fanning the fumes of misery down to the Sorcerer. Out of curiosity he sucked in the scent deeply to fully understand what marvelous creation his creature would be. "Oh, what is the source of this lovely depression? It runs so much deeper than this one rejection, does it not? Ah, of course! Such a staple of the youth, the conviction that one is a freak! An outcast! That self-hating, miserable feeling that there is something wrong within. I wonder, what it is that makes you so convinced that you are singular and fouler than all others?"

 

The Sorcerer grinned wide, his thin green lips stretched over uneven, yellowed teeth as he called his magic to himself. The green miasma curled through his fingers, over his palm, and he tossed it above to find the source of the despair.

 

"Not that it matters, of course," the Sorcerer laughed as he glanced over his shoulder to his solitary companion. The mouse tilted it's tiny head at him, and then looked above. The glow of foul green magic reflected in its beady little eyes until it disappeared into the pipe work.

 

\- - -

 

"You will _not_ believe what just happened to me," Randy said as he threw his backpack onto the lunch table near Howard. Randy hadn't managed to get there fast enough to keep Howard from using up all of his money, and there was an entire tray's worth of cheese fries next to Howard's regular meal as proof of that. "I think Julian asked me out."

 

"You're right, I don't believe that," Howard said as he smacked Randy's hand away from his fries. "Why would he ask you out?"

 

"I don't know, he likes guys?" Randy tried to get another fry and failed again. He glared at Howard, who got a handful of them and shoved them into his mouth.

 

"No, I mean why ask _you_ out? Julian's a freak but he could do way better."

 

"I don't kno--wait, what? How is--why would you," Randy sputtered and stared at Howard. "Why is _that_ your reaction to this?"

 

Howard just shrugged and shoved another handful of fries into his face.

 

"And what do you mean he could do better than me? What's wrong with me?" Randy bristled and gestured at himself, not really sure what he was supposed to be pointing out about himself that was particularly impressive, but there had to be _something_ there.

 

"Well, you're kind of--" Howard started, but he was rudely interrupted by the cafeteria wall crashing down. Students jumped and from out of the hole something screeched loudly before starting to shove its way in. Navy, purple and teal came in as a mass of color first, and then took shape in the form of a mutated, giant spider scrambling up the wall and to the ceiling. Once the hole was clear students were using it to run out of the cafeteria, egged on by the monster Julian's screaming.

 

"When you said he asked you out, what did you do after that?" Howard asked as he shrank down in his seat, worried enough to want to avoid Julian noticing him but not quite worried enough to leave his lunch behind.

 

"I might have, uh... laughed and ran away," Randy winced as he said it, watching Julian's spider feet skitter along the ceiling as the monster looked this way and that. Finally Julian found what he was looking for and he started coming down from the ceiling from a web, straight towards Randy. "Oh cheese."

 

"And you wonder why I said he could do better," Howard slunk under the table to avoid the oncoming spider. After a moment his hand came up to pat awkwardly on the table until he found his tray of cheese fries and he pulled it down with him.

 

Randy looked around, and when he was sure they were the last two still in the cafeteria--aside from the stanked monster above them--he took out his mask. Shouldn't be a hard fight, and he pulled it on as he ignored the flashing red light from his bag as the Ninjanomicon tried to get his attention. It was a monster, he knew how to deal with that. And it was Julian, the Ninja knew how to take care of him. The last of the suit wrapped around him and he sprung up, kicking Julian's hat off, and slicing it in half with his sword with a quick motion. He landed just a foot back from where he had jumped up and puffed up proudly, posing even though no one was really there to appreciate it. "No need to tell me how great I am, I know, I know."

 

The monster screamed at him and scrambled over the table it had landed on at it came after him.

 

"I wasn't going to tell you that!" Howard called out from under the table. The Ninja jumped back from the monster's flailing legs, each one hitting the ground harder than the last and cracking the floor tiles.

 

"Why didn't that work? That always works!" the Ninja braced against the wall and sprang up, whipping his scarf over his head and grabbing onto one of the light fixtures with it so he could haul himself up onto the lampshade. He looked around as he tried to figure out what else Julian would have had that he held dear.

 

"Do what you did to the girls after Stevens!" the table below yelled. For a moment the monster Julian was hesitant, torn between attacking the Ninja up above and Howard who was hiding under the table, but after a moment it made up its mind and started climbing the wall again to get to the ceiling.

 

"He didn't give me a card!"

 

"You laughed and ran away, he didn't have time to give you _anything!_ "

 

The Ninja didn't point out that Howard was right about that, but when the spider creature screamed louder as it skittered upside-down across the ceiling the warrior did yell, "Don't remind him, you're getting him madder!"

 

It was a good place to start, though, and the Ninja tugged his scarf free from the cable tethering the light to the ceiling and sent it at the monster instead. The monster's front legs--it was hard for the Ninja to really think of them as arms and hands at that point, since Julian did more running with them than normal hand things like this--were wrapped up and pinned to his body, and the Ninja swung from his scarf onto the mutant's back. Julian scrabbled and moved to buck him off, but with just two feet on the ceiling now he wasn't coordinated. The Ninja had to shove one hand against the monster's head and shove it aside to keep from getting bitten as he jammed his other hand down between his scarf binding the beast, Julian's arm, and then under the jacket. He was just scrambling to find _anything_ that might help and he just barely managed to grab onto some papers when Julian managed to buck him off. The warrior was tossed to the ground, his scarf coming free from the stanked student before the red fabric could become a noose. The Ninja didn't think, he just slammed the papers down onto the nearest table once he was on his feet and took out his sai to stab through them. Nothing happened. The Ninja tilted his head to look at the papers and let out a loud, desperate sound. He had just ruined Julian's half-finished English essay.

 

"This isn't working, he doesn't have anything! What do I _do?"_ the Ninja looked back to Howard for help, and he caught sight of the red glow from his backpack. The nomicon still wanted his attention, and he yanked his weapon up from the table and papers to sprint towards it. He had just gotten away in time as Julian's huge monster form dropped down onto the table and it cracked in half. The monster screamed again as it yanked up the ruined pieces around him and he hurled them at the Ninja. Most of them missed, smashing into the walls and one going through a window, but as the Ninja grabbed up the bag one hit him in the back and the warrior along with the ancient tome were hurtled forward and through another window. The monster soon came out of the ruined window and looked around, and finding nothing it continued to squeeze its bloated mass through the too-small opening so it could wreak havoc in a new place.

 

The Ninja, hidden in the branches of the tree he had been slammed into, curled up and held the Ninjanomicon close as he cracked it open, "You better have _something_ on dealing with crazy crushes."


End file.
